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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28818654">I See You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deukaenology/pseuds/Deukaenology'>Deukaenology</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dreamcatcher (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>A lot of angst I guess?, Alternate Universe - Hospital, Angst, F/F, Fluff and Angst, I'm Bad At Tagging, Romance, but it's angst, doctor_minji, doctor_siyeon, how can I add tags without spoiling things?, i don't do triangle love, mentioning of YooHyeon, nope it's not triangle love, volunteer_bora</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 11:35:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,995</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28818654</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deukaenology/pseuds/Deukaenology</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>SiYeon was a newly Med-school Graduate. Similar to most peers, her insecurities and worries were mainly about her vague and uncertain future career path. Was a GPA of 3.9/4.0 enough? Could she compete with local graduates? Could she apply for a job in a hospital without networking? Or more specific, could she work in her major field, a to-be pulmonologist, or would she be assigned to do some minor tasks like collecting samples from a few patients at some nowhere hospital where nobody showed up?</p><p>She didn't expect to receive a job offer at one of the biggest hospital in New York City. </p><p>She didn't expect to get to the front as a frontline worker just one week after her graduation ceremony.</p><p>She didn't expect to see so many deaths.</p><p>And she definitely didn't expect to meet her.</p><p>A beautiful girl with a stunning smile. A beautiful girl whose energy seemed to be endless. Enthusiastic, optimistic, brave, admirable in every possible way.</p><p>But...<br/>.<br/>.<br/>.<br/>.</p><p>Hey... </p><p>Why do you keep smiling like that?</p><p>You always seem so carefree. But you know what?</p><p>What you're desperately trying to hide... I saw it all. </p><p>I saw it.</p><p>And I see you.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kim Bora | SuA/Lee Siyeon, Kim Minji | JiU/Kim Yoohyeon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>74</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi all,</p><p>Yup, I'm back, DeuKae's comeback really hit my lazy ass hard enough to translate my SuAYeon oneshot this time LOL. It was my first DeuKae's fanfic, so I guess there will be mistakes here and there. English is not my mother tongue, so please excuse my grammar and vocab mistakes :"&gt; And I tried to apply for the volunteer program at<br/>a hospital, but never got a call back, so everything written in this fic might not be accurate as what happens in real life. Let me know if you found anything wrong or affects your reading experience, so I can either fix it or improve for my future fic :D Other than that, I hope you enjoy my first born child :"&gt;</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>SiYeon’s hand rested on her forearm, eyes tightly shut, completely drained out. In her three-hour break before the next shift started, she had spent ten minutes on driving from the hospital to her old rented apartment, twenty minutes on showering (again, and again, and again, her effort and time spending on it never seemed to be enough) to disinfect whatever the hell could linger on her body and clothes, ten minutes on drying her long hair, which was slowly becoming an actual burden, plus five minutes on changing clothes and ten minutes driving back to the hospital…</p><p> </p><p>Mathematically speaking, she had around a hundred and twenty-five minutes left to get some necessary-but-never-enough sleep.</p><p> </p><p>Well, theoretically, she could. And should.</p><p> </p><p>Realistically, she couldn’t.</p><p> </p><p>A thirteen-hour shift (which was supposed to end at the eighth hour, but guess what happened when her hospital was, like, seriously suffering from lacking of staff?) had literally squeezed the last ounce of strength out of her body. Despite that, she couldn’t lull herself to the dreamland no matter how hard she tried.</p><p> </p><p>She still couldn’t get used to how fast her life had changed. She’d just graduated from colleague like, what, two or three weeks ago? Her life back then had been packed with worries, too. Like, was a GPA of 3.9/4.0 enough? Could she compete with local graduates? Could she apply for a job in a hospital without networking? Or more specific, could she work in her major field, a to-be pulmonologist, or would she be assigned to do some minor tasks like collecting samples from a few patients at some nowhere hospital where nobody showed up?</p><p> </p><p>Two or three weeks later, all her classmates and senior students from Pulmonology Department in Weill Cornell Medicine Colleague had received numerous temporary job offers from hospitals located in all over New York State. For one damn reason.</p><p> </p><p>COVID-19. Or SARS-CoV-2. Or Corona Virus. Three names of the one and only nightmare.</p><p> </p><p>SiYeon still remembered it. The famous hot boy from her department, after receiving his result of his thesis defense, had been happy enough to mock about it.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s just a fucking flu, for God’s sake.” She had overheard. “Why so serious?”</p><p> </p><p>Oh, she had to admit that she had agreed with him to some extent. That damn virus. What could it possibly do except triggering unnecessary fear, hatred, and racist? Especially fear. Damn it. Panic shopping was a serious problem. She couldn’t even get the last box of size-six eggs and a thirty-roll pack of toilet paper in Costco because everybody was literally frantic over something that shouldn’t be considered a living being.</p><p> </p><p>Ridiculous. The World had seemed to get crazier every day.</p><p> </p><p>Then three weeks later, she caught a glimpse at the same guy at her hospital. Mustering all strength in his muscular body to firmly hold the patient lying on the bed, he tried to stop her from unconsciously tugging the endotracheal tube out of her mouth. Although his mind knew too well that she was struggling hard just to get more oxygen into her damaged lungs, his eyes couldn’t hide those emotions. Fear. Panic. Devastation. Helplessness.</p><p> </p><p>The number of positive cases were gradually outweighing the number of beds, medicines, and equipment.</p><p> </p><p>In the beginning, SiYeon was allowed to use one mask per patient. Now, she had to re-use one masks for five patients at least, for a whole day long. Of course, the possibility of being infected were increasing, but there was nothing she could do about it. Risking her health still couldn’t flatten the curve. Risking her health couldn’t help reducing the number of severe cases, either.</p><p> </p><p>So, as the result, everyone’s, herself included, working hours had been skyrocketing ever since.</p><p> </p><p>Eight, nine, ten, then twelve, or sometimes, thirteen hours working straight had become normal. But that wasn’t the point.</p><p> </p><p>Hard work, effort, skills, everything were nothing against the increasing fatality rate. Everyday was a new record. Next day would be another peak, marking another failure of human being against a non-living species.</p><p> </p><p>SiYeon didn’t open her eyes, but her mind, instead of resting, just kept rewinding some scenes she wished she could forget. Like the fluid sucked out of the lungs belongs to a twentyish patient. Not milky, not yellowish, but spine-chillingly pinkish. Like people struggling in fear, desperate, just to do something as simple as breathing.</p><p> </p><p>Like people, no matter how much they wanted, wasn’t able to struggle anymore.</p><p> </p><p>Like the pain, panic, anger, disappointment, helplessness in the eyes of her colleagues and higher-ups, as a bonus nobody really needed.</p><p> </p><p>Well, at least those things weren’t the worst part.</p><p> </p><p>The worst part was those ridiculous scenarios, those thought-to-be-found-in-a-movie-scenes, were steadily becoming the new normal.</p><p> </p><p>She inhaled, heavily swallowed some cold air down to her lungs. America, or New York State in particular, was stepping on the same defeated road as Italy had. It was just a matter of time for them to decide which patient were allowed to use ventilators. A fucking heavy burden weighting on her chest, even though she didn’t think <em>she </em>would be the one to make such decisions.</p><p> </p><p>Damn.</p><p> </p><p>Sometimes, no, constantly, to be exact, she just wished that all of this living hell could have been a terrible nightmare. Waking up, and boom, problems solved. Sure, there would be a racing heart and a sweaty forehead, but still better than what she was suffering right now.</p><p> </p><p>Too bad.</p><p> </p><p>Waking up wasn’t the remedy.</p><p> </p><p>Getting used to it, adapting to the heavy workload, getting rid of negative personal feelings, and the most important thing, carefully self-protecting while waiting for the vaccine to be launched were.</p><p> </p><p>So, she tried again. To lull her worn-out self to a quick nap, before…</p><p> </p><p>Frantically sitting up when the alarm suddenly went off after something seemed like ten minutes, heart pounded like crazy, brain filled with fog and an unmistakable dizziness, limbs felt like someone’d just sneakily locked them to some kind of stone cuffs, heavy, and fatigued.</p><p> </p><p>Deeply yawned, SiYeon blinked to regain focus, hand reached out to grab two pills of Ibuprofen before swallowing them straight.</p><p> </p><p>Luckily, she only had training sessions for newly recruited volunteers today.</p><p> </p><p>And that was how she met <em>her.</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>Kim Bora.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Yup, I did said oneshot, but the oneshot was wayyyyyyyyyyyy too long (22,500 words in Vietnamese), so I'll just split it into multiple parts (22 so far, if I'm not counting wrongly LOL) Let me know what you think ;) I'll try to update as soon as I can ;)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Oh, it’s my turn already, ok.” Bora confidently stood up, startled SiYeon by loudly introducing herself after giving everyone in room a perfect ninety-degree bow. “Hi, I’m Alice. Just been kicked out of the old company because, well, you know, sales dramatically dropped, they need to downsize to save up some costs, and excuses, and excuses, and excuses, which is…” She briefly paused before emphasizing on the next two words. “… understandable but unacceptable, but well, c’est lavie, and believe me, I’m not holding any grudges against them. Not at all.”</p><p> </p><p>The quiet room was suddenly filled with chuckles when she mischievously winked, and the small girl just patiently waited for the sound to sink before finishing her random ranting with a formal Korean greet.</p><p> </p><p>“Putting that aside, I was just thinking… Well, rather than staying at home and being pregnant with belly fat, why not coming here and be a little more helpful to our community then? So, here I am, willing to do anything and everything I could, love to learn new things and stuffs, so please take good care of me. Thank you very much.”</p><p> </p><p>SiYeon was impressed, and no one could blame her for it. Well, how could she not be? Bora was undoubtedly beautiful. She was the only Asian in the group of five volunteers, she seemed to be the youngest among them, even though SiYeon knew too well that wasn’t the case, she was the most enthusiastic volunteer SiYeon had ever met, and her ranting was so out of the blue, so random, and so amusing, in a good way.</p><p> </p><p>But to be honest, what impressed SiYeon was something else.</p><p> </p><p>In a situation where some of her colleagues had resigned to protect themselves and their families, standing in front of her were five people who had no duties and obligations to be here. They weren’t bound to any type of contracts, but still willing to risk their lives, to fight in the frontline with zero benefit.</p><p> </p><p>Volunteers didn’t get paid, or just received an inconsiderable amount. Long working hours were a must, and both their physical and mental health could be severely affected.</p><p> </p><p>Yet… Here they were.</p><p> </p><p>And Bora… Well, SiYeon hadn’t met anyone being half as energetic and passionate as her. Ok, she hadn’t been working here <em>that </em>long, but still…</p><p> </p><p>And she couldn’t help but suppressing a sigh.</p><p> </p><p>How long would Bora’s enthusiasm last after actually facing this cruel reality?</p><p> </p><p>Deep down, from the bottom of her heart, she didn’t want her zeal and smiles to slowly vanish.</p><p> </p><p>Especially when Bora landed a soft gaze on hers with sparkling brown eyes. Which had lifted the corner of her lips up, for no reason, without her self-noticing.</p><p> </p><p>The first smile after weeks of hard working, lack of sleep, and full of stress.</p><p> </p><p>SiYeon’s face muscles were still stiff, but it felt… uhm…</p><p> </p><p>Somehow, relieved.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bora was, indeed, a fast learner, just like she’d promised from the beginning.</p><p> </p><p>Sample collecting, CPR, AED monitoring, first aid, and everything she was taught. She could do them all, fast, well, precisely, with crazy attention to details, almost as good as a second-year student in some nursing courses SiYeon’d met before. Such improvement in mere three weeks since the day she started.</p><p> </p><p>And there was something more.</p><p> </p><p>SiYeon threw a glance to her back, at the waiting hall that seemed to be more crowded than her first week of working here. But again, was that hall ever empty? Maybe it wasn’t. Or she didn’t recall, even if it there was any other time it really <em>was</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Bora’s enthusiasm, efforts, and hard work was like a small cube of salt falling into the sea. It didn’t really matter. It didn’t empty the hall of waiting patients. It didn’t seem to be able to change anything.</p><p> </p><p>Three weeks.</p><p> </p><p>It had been three weeks already. With deaths, diseases, pains, and reality.</p><p> </p><p>And yet…</p><p> </p><p>Bora’s eyes above that blue mask were the exact same eyes in the first day they met.</p><p> </p><p>Warm brown in color, sparkling with genuineness and care, and curved, like her lips were actually smiling underneath.</p><p> </p><p>SiYeon was in awe. But SiYeon was also curious.</p><p> </p><p>Where everyone seemed to lose hope at some point…</p><p> </p><p>How the hell did she keep it up like that?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Another day passed.</p><p> </p><p>The number of deaths, from single digit, now jumped to nearly three.</p><p> </p><p>Dully, SiYeon removed her mask, goggles, and the Tyvek suit, mechanically took a shower before leaving the hospital.</p><p> </p><p>She finally could fall asleep, but it was thanks to pure exhaustion. She didn’t have any energy left to even think, not to mention dreaming of nightmares or whatsoever. What used to haunt her, like deaths, separations, screams, and fear had become something normal. They had been happening ever since. Daily. Hourly. Every minute. Every second.</p><p> </p><p>There were simply too many things needed to be done, and they didn’t have enough manpower to handle it. Everybody knew, but no one, herself included, could do anything to improve this situation.</p><p> </p><p>The only thing she could do, was to keep it up. To hang in there. To patiently wait, even though she had no clue when she could stop waiting.</p><p> </p><p>But yeah, she heavily sighed, <em>c’est lavie</em>, being helpless seemed like a perk of grown-ups, so suck it up and drive away.</p><p> </p><p>And she did. Sucked it up while slightly shaking her head, and drove away. About five meters. Before unintentionally stopped, when her eyes caught up with something she didn’t expect to catch.</p><p> </p><p>The sight of Bora, standing alone in the dark, with a burning cigarette held between her tiny fingers. Smile was nowhere to be seen, as well as the spark often glittered in those beautiful brown eyes. They were unusual dark. The kind of dark creating a lump in SiYeon’s throat for no reason, compressing her chest, made her breathless for a second, but certainly not in a good way.</p><p> </p><p>She hated smokers. She hated reaching out her hand to help people didn’t belong to her friend circle. She’d helped enough people at work. She desperately needed some time not involving in helping people off work.</p><p> </p><p>Yet, she stopped the car. In front of Bora. And asked.</p><p> </p><p>“You ok?”</p><p> </p><p>Bora lifted her chin up, sunshiny smile automatically appeared like some kind of reaction when seeing someone she knew.</p><p> </p><p>“Monica? Yeah, all good. Just enjoying some last bit of fresh air before lockdown coming in. I'm going home now, so…”</p><p> </p><p>Then a carefree shrug, which made SiYeon eyes squint a bit. This lady wasn’t joking, was she? The subway and other means of public transports had stopped working. She seriously planned on going home on foot, <em>alone</em>, in a fucked-up city like New York, in the middle of the night? How about rapists? How about thieves? How about muggers? How about crazy thugs swarming around?</p><p> </p><p>And she didn’t drive away. She simply just didn’t want her hospital to receive more potential patients, that was all. Not because she didn’t want to leave her alone in the dark. Not because she wanted to be with someone could clearly understand the shit she was suffering from every day. And definitely not because she was worried about her.</p><p> </p><p>No. No. And no.</p><p> </p><p>“Where do you live?”</p><p> </p><p>“You wanna take me home?”</p><p> </p><p>Bora playfully winked, her flirty movement baffled SiYeon a bit, but she tried her best not to show it out. Or she hoped it didn’t show up on her face. Luckily, or not so luckily, Bora’s teasing mood quickly faded, and her facial features returned to a neutral state.</p><p> </p><p>“Go home, Monica.”</p><p> </p><p>Stern, cold, distant, and unreadable. Which SiYeon, along with being confused for numerous reasons, didn’t like it. Not one bit.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m fine. It’s not the first time I’m being alone in the dark.”</p><p> </p><p>Was she assuming things, or Bora was, seriously, anything but ok?</p><p> </p><p>“You’ll see me tomorrow, so don’t worry about it.”</p><p> </p><p>And she smiled. The exact same smile she always had on her lips, but it didn’t calm SiYeon this time. It triggered her anger, only God knew why. Maybe because of her lonely back, which had just turned toward her. Or because of the way she inhaled the last smoke from her cigarette, so sad and lonely. Or because she truly believed SiYeon would leave her like that. Or just because she figured out this smile was nothing more than a reaction. It looked genuine, it looked sincere, but it was just a fucking lie after all.</p><p> </p><p>And believe it or not, SiYeon always, <em>always</em>, despised lies</p><p> </p><p>“Alice.”</p><p> </p><p>Bora turned around, smile was still on, but it was a confused one this time. Maybe she didn’t expect SiYeon to not use any formality. Or maybe she didn’t think of SiYeon as a stubborn-head. Whatever. As long as that smile didn’t appear… <em>Good.</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>“Don’t make me coerce you. Get in the car, now.”</p><p> </p><p>Then came a long pause. Bora’s features remained unreadable, until…</p><p> </p><p>“That’s unexpectedly hot.” Mumbling, she finally chuckled, teasingly titled her head. “But what if I said no? How are you gonna coerce me then?”</p><p> </p><p>SiYeon opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Her anger suddenly vanished in a single heartbeat. Oh yeah. She had commanded her with threaten voice and manner, so what’s next?</p><p> </p><p>“…”</p><p> </p><p>“…”</p><p> </p><p>“Dunno.” She shyly admitted. “Didn’t think I’d get to this part beforehand…”</p><p> </p><p>Bora burst into a chain of laughter, which sounded awkwardly like a chicken (or a turkey, but anyway, who cared?), and sent some weird heat onto SiYeon’s cheeks. Great. Was there any box of shame for her to hide in? Or a deep hole on the ground would work, too.</p><p> </p><p>Too bad, she didn’t have both. So enduring her laughter was all she could do. And to be honest, she wasn’t half as uneasy as her facial expression was showing the other. Which was...</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Weird.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“You’re funny.” Bora amusingly concluded. “Ok, I’ll give you another chance. You know that your car is not big enough for us to stay six feet apart, right?”</p><p> </p><p>SiYeon rolled her eyes. This reason was too lame for her to be bypassed.</p><p> </p><p>“We’ve just <em>literally</em> come out of the same hospital.”</p><p> </p><p>“Our houses might not be on the same way.”</p><p> </p><p>“I could take a detour around the city. Have some fresh air, like you did.”</p><p> </p><p>“But… you don’t know where I live.”</p><p> </p><p>“You can tell me when you get into the fucking car.”</p><p> </p><p>“…”</p><p> </p><p>“…”</p><p> </p><p>The bickering came to the end, when Bora shook her head in a dramatically-disbelief, and admitted her defeat.</p><p> </p><p>“Brooklyn. I live in Brooklyn.”</p><p> </p><p>SiYeon, who was biting her lips, also lived in Brooklyn. Ten-minute driving, equivalent to forty-minute walking away from the hospital. Seriously, could she swear? It definitely wasn’t polite, but sometimes… Well, no. A well-educated woman wouldn’t do it. At least not in front of someone she was trying to be nice to. So inhale, and then exhale, and then inhale… Yup. That would do.</p><p> </p><p>“Exact where I live.” She couldn’t help but mockingly murmured, which stole from Bora another laughter. “Do you wanna get in now, or do you still want to argue about that six feet bullshit?”</p><p> </p><p>“Nope, I'm in.” The smaller girl quickly hopped onto her backseat, this time, a mischievous smile stuck on her beautiful lips. “I guess it’ll be fine. But please don’t sneeze into my face even if you want to. Two weeks of quarantine is gonna be too much. I can’t add more civilians from the Land of Fat to my poor baby belly, and I’m definitely gonna be bored to death if I had to stay at home doing nothing…”</p><p> </p><p>“Haha.” Her random ranting was intervened by SiYeon’s one-hundred-percent fake laugh. “Very funny. Now fasten the seatbelt. I’m driving off.”</p><p> </p><p>Bora quietly obeyed. The only sound she made was telling her where she lived (two blocks away from her rented apartment or something), before letting silence embrace the atmosphere in between. But it wasn’t stiff. It wasn’t dense. It was quite calm, and peaceful in a way SiYeon didn’t expect. And there was Bora, too. She was half sitting half leaning on the back of her seat, head resting against the window glass, and eyes slightly shut. She didn’t smile. She didn’t joke. She seemed tired. She seemed vulnerable. She seemed <em>sincere.</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>SiYeon’s tensed mind relaxed, and her loneliness slowly faded away. For some reasons she didn’t know. But not that she needed to know anyway.</p><p> </p><p>She just needed this moment to last. As long as it could be.</p><p> </p><p>But Bora had decided differently.</p><p> </p><p>“Monica?”</p><p> </p><p>SiYeon startled. She knew the other hadn’t fallen asleep, but didn’t thought she would break this silence. Having no idea why, she just hummed in response.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s your Korean name?”</p><p> </p><p>SiYeon’s glaze landed on the mirror. She didn’t know why Bora’d asked for it, and she wasn’t going to give her an answer without asking. But somehow, looking at her lazy posture, her genuine smile, and her glittering eyes, her intention was completely thrown to the back of her head.</p><p> </p><p>“SiYeon.” Slightly cleared her throat, she lowered her voice. “Lee SiYeon.”</p><p> </p><p>“SiYeon…” Bora quietly repeated. “Lee SiYeon.”</p><p> </p><p>Her chest suddenly trembled. Because of the rare peaceful moment she hadn’t had in a long time? Because of precise pronunciation from a compatriot? Because the way her name was repeated felt like it was imprinted in her mind? Or it was just because of her tender voice that, for some reasons, had easily absorbed into her drained soul?</p><p> </p><p>Whatever. The smaller girl didn’t notice her reaction, and that was a good thing.</p><p> </p><p>Then she chuckled. Sweetly, clearly, and softly.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m Bora. Kim Bora.”</p><p> </p><p>Bora. Bora. SiYeon, too, had unconsciously imprinted the name into her brain. Deep enough to be unforgettable.</p><p> </p><p>“Nice to meet you, Lee SiYeon.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next days… nothing changed much, really.</p><p> </p><p>SiYeon would still catch that sight. Where Bora was standing at the same corner, hand holding another burning cigarette, her back looked small and lonely in the dark.</p><p> </p><p>At least, SiYeon didn’t make things up. Bora just didn’t allow anybody but her to witness her loneliness, as simple as it sounded.</p><p> </p><p>This Bora, and the other Alice seemed like two different people. The other Alice was loud, chatty, funny, and owned an unbelievable zeal that seemed to be endless. She was so happy to help, always ready when someone came in, and literally, devoted herself to the work, even though she didn’t have to, without complaints or whining about it.</p><p> </p><p>That Alice was her. And this Bora was also her. Two attractive sides of the same coin.</p><p> </p><p><em>Wait. </em>SiYeon raised her eyebrows. <em>Attractive? </em></p><p>
  
</p><p>Well, even if she did think she was, that wasn’t why she cared so much, was there?</p><p> </p><p><em>Wait. </em>SiYeon’s eyebrows knitted into a straight line. <em>I care?</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>Her eyes landed on the tiny figure in the dark. They were living on the same district, that was all.</p><p> </p><p>Not that she cared. No.</p><p> </p><p>Defeatedly sighed, SiYeon drove her car toward Bora, and stopped.</p><p> </p><p>“Get in. I’ll take you home.”</p><p> </p><p>No more asking. No more offer.</p><p> </p><p>And Bora would just smile, killed the light from her cigarette, before nodding in agreement.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Okay, the next part is gonna be longgggggg, so I'll have to excuse myself. As always, comments are welcomed even if you just pointed out my mistakes, and I hope you enjoy reading this ^^ Until next time ;)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for the kudos! Just want to say that I really appreciate your support and love, and I hope you enjoy reading my story enough to bear with me till the end :D</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had been two weeks, and going home together had been added to SiYeon and Bora’s daily schedule. Which was normal, automatic, and surprisingly comforting.</p><p> </p><p>Other than that… Well, nothing changed. Or everything had been changing dramatically fast, too fast that SiYeon had no intention to spend more thoughts on what was going on. Workload and stress never reduced, the same with the number of positive cases. Nothing was new. Including the fact that she couldn’t do anything about it. And she was slowly but steadily getting used to it.</p><p> </p><p>Right?</p><p> </p><p>She was getting used to hearing heart-breaking cries from a daughter who had been separated from her sick father, obliged to leave him struggling behind, alone, only to unwillingly lose in an unbalanced battle.</p><p> </p><p>She was getting used to spending thirty minutes on standing beside a dying patient’s bed, so they wouldn’t have to pass away alone because of community isolation.</p><p> </p><p>Right?</p><p> </p><p>Yeah. It should be. It had to be. How could she not? She had just faced one of those situations, like, two days ago? Or was it yesterday? Or only hours ago? She had no clue. She didn’t have any sense of time left. Besides, time didn’t matter. Neither did her compassion, efforts, regrets, and sorrows.</p><p> </p><p>No matter how much she wanted, she still couldn’t save them all. Witnessing their last moments, being with them so they wouldn’t have to leave alone were all she could do.</p><p> </p><p>Farewells weren’t easy. Most of them were nowhere close to serenity, thanks to coughs, fluids, blood-stained walls, screams, and begs. They were <em>haunting</em>, if she had to admit. But she didn’t complain. Her colleagues didn’t, either. They knew, <em>she</em> knew, more than anyone, their deaths were their fault. Her fault. Because she was so helpless. Because she was so useless.</p><p> </p><p>Because she wasn’t good enough.</p><p> </p><p>Sorry for letting you guys suffer. Sorry for letting you folks die in loneliness.</p><p> </p><p>Because of that, this guiltiness was something she must endure. Carried on her bare shoulders. Held it in her chest. No matter how suffocated it could be.</p><p> </p><p>And she’d gotten used to that, too.</p><p> </p><p>Right?</p><p> </p><p>“SiYeon.”</p><p> </p><p>She startled, but she didn’t need to turn her head to know who had just called her real name. At a workplace where she hadn’t had anytime to properly introduce herself, there was no one knew about her Korean name, except the only person asking for it.</p><p> </p><p>Bora.</p><p> </p><p>And she was the only one who can call her in that tone. Firm, loud, clear, with a hint of softness.</p><p> </p><p>So, when SiYeon turned around, the first thing her eyes caught was Bora’s familiar face. It was still beautiful as she remembered, but her eyes… There was neither enthusiasm, nor ignorance. They were glued on SiYeon’s, filled with a mixture of worry and empathy. They were not glittering. They were deep. A bottomless type of depth, which became a mirror perfectly reflecting SiYeon’s only image.</p><p> </p><p>Bora walked toward her, gently suggested.</p><p> </p><p>“Let me drive.”</p><p> </p><p>SiYeon’s lips parted. She wanted to opposed her suggestion. She wanted to say no. She wanted to claim that she was ok. That she could still hang in there. That she could still drive, and move on from this.</p><p> </p><p>But nothing came out of her mouth.</p><p> </p><p>The closer Bora got to her, the clearer her reflected image was in those beautiful brown pupils. Scared. Confused. Tired. Horrified.</p><p> </p><p>Shattered.</p><p> </p><p>Her image was anything but ok. Even she couldn’t deny it.</p><p> </p><p>But it was just her appearance, wasn’t it? Her mental mind was stronger than this, right? She couldn’t have been broken that easily, could she? There was no other choice but moving on. She couldn’t fall, right here, right now. There was no time for that. She had to go on. She had to forget. Tomorrow was gonna be another day. She had to…</p><p> </p><p>Her train of thoughts stopped operating. A warm, tender, but firm embrace was wrapped around her waist all of a sudden. Without her noticing, Bora seemed to have heavily sighed, her unlighted cigarette was probably thrown away before she stepped up. Tightly held SiYeon’s shaking figure in her arm, without caring about the fucking encouraged six feet apart.</p><p> </p><p>“Stop pretending to be tough, kiddo.”</p><p> </p><p>Her words were harsh, but her voice wasn’t. It was tender, soft, and light. Like a feather sweeping through SiYeon’s heart, soothing all her pains, and persuading her to express all the feelings she had been trying to hide so deep within.</p><p> </p><p>“You’ve been strong enough…” Bora’s tightened her embrace, hand gently patted on her back. “Cry it out, SiYeon. Just cry it all out. For you, and for them too.”</p><p> </p><p>A heavy lump suddenly appeared in SiYeon’s throat. They both know who <em>they </em>were.</p><p> </p><p>“They couldn’t do it anymore, so just cry it out while <em>you</em> still can…”</p><p> </p><p>Her vision became blurry in a single heartbeat.</p><p> </p><p>“And while <em>I’m</em> still here with you.”</p><p> </p><p>Her last fragile resilience broke into a million pieces.</p><p> </p><p>SiYeon raised her arms, slowly but tighteningly embraced Bora’s small figure closer to herself. Her chin rested on Bora’s shoulder, unstoppably shaken. Her fear and helplessness, her pain and hurts, condensed in form of droplets were falling down her cheeks, so much and so fierce, which she couldn't hold them back even if she ever wanted. Because…</p><p> </p><p>How many more last moments did she have to witness? How many more deaths did she have to see? How many more goodbyes did she have to bid? Would she be the next positive case? If not, when would her turn be? Could she wait until the vaccine was developed? Would her colleagues discriminate her if she had been positive? Would she be lying on one of those beds in ICU, struggle, hard, just to fucking breathe? Would she even have an ICU bed for herself, or would she have to die alone in that rented apartment, without anyone finding out about her death?</p><p> </p><p>She didn’t know. She had no clue about her live. She had no clue about her future.</p><p> </p><p>She only knew that her pains, fears, guilts, and hurt… Her burdens and wounds…</p><p> </p><p>Bora was here, right here, by her side, to shoulder them all. With her. Willingly, and knowingly.</p><p> </p><p>The smaller girl didn’t say a word. She just gently caressed her back, sent some warmth to her frozen heart, and patiently wait for SiYeon’s emotional waves to calm down. Be by her side, exact to what she had said. And when the raven haired was calm enough to shyly loosened her embrace, hand confusingly wiped the not-yet-dry tears on her face, Bora just understandingly nodded.</p><p> </p><p>“Let’s go.” Stole the keychain held in SiYeon’s loose grip, she simply said. “I’ll drive you home today.”</p><p> </p><p>No more asking. No more offering.</p><p> </p><p>SiYeon didn’t nod, but her legs had unconsciously carried her body toward the passenger front seat on her car, and crumbled at the moment she got into it.</p><p> </p><p>Today was a long day. She was really tired. And she desperately needed someone on her side.</p><p> </p><p>Her swollen eyes slowly fell on Bora’s sharp jawline and side features.</p><p> </p><p>It was the first time in her twenty-four years of living, SiYeon could consider herself a lucky woman.</p><p><br/>
“Bora?”</p><p> </p><p>The smaller girl raised her eyebrows, and hummed in response.</p><p> </p><p>"Thank you..." <em>For everything.</em></p><p> </p><p>Bora didn’t turn her head to face her, but her bright eyes seemed confused. And if SiYeon wasn’t too tired to be wrong, then maybe, even disbelieved and questioning too, when receiving a sudden thank like that.</p><p> </p><p>But… if SiYeon was right… Then she didn’t quite get it. Why did she react like that? It was a simple thank, nothing more, but…</p><p> </p><p>Weird.</p><p> </p><p>Then Bora sighed. Heavily, and she didn’t even attempt to hide it. And before SiYeon was able to encode the meaning of her sigh, Bora had fish her cigarette pack out of the handbag, slipped one between her surprisingly white teeth without lighting it up, then returned her puzzled gaze with an unreadable one.</p><p> </p><p>“SiYeon?”</p><p> </p><p>Facing such a fierce stare, the raven haired couldn’t do anything but weakly uttered. “Yeah?”</p><p> </p><p>Bora’s features, all of a sudden, became… what? Pleading? Desperate?</p><p> </p><p>“Whether it’s now or later, just... don’t fall for me, will you?”</p><p> </p><p>SiYeon was speechless.</p><p> </p><p>She knew Bora truly meant it. She knew she should laugh at her overconfidence, as well as this weird request. Hack, Bora didn’t even know if SiYeon was interested in women. She also knew that she should ask why she had to listen to it. She knew she needed to say something, <em>anything</em>, to respond to Bora’s honest and sincerity.</p><p> </p><p>But she couldn’t.</p><p> </p><p>She didn’t oppose to it, but she didn’t agree, either.</p><p> </p><p>It was just a simple no. Why was it so hard to speak it out loud?</p><p> </p><p>Only SiYeon from the future knew the answer.</p><p> </p><p>From that exact moment, deep down, in her subconscious, she had never wanted herself to stop falling.</p><p> </p><p>Because loving this woman, after all, was like breathing.</p><p> </p><p>A natural demand. Automatic. Unconscious.</p><p> </p><p>Irresistible.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>LOL, I forgot, ofc cmts and kudos are always appreciated ;) Let me know what you think, and what I can fix to improve too ;) Until next time~</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The shortage in medical protection equipment had exacerbated. It was terrible, and might lead to some other more terrible circumstances, yes, but SiYeon didn’t think that it was the worst thing could happen during her first pandemic experience, if she could be totally honest.</p><p> </p><p>Especially when one of her colleagues was sacked, because she’d been caught wearing a mask while walking in the hallway. Ok, wearing a mask might actually affect the hospital image in the public eye, she admitted, and the poor colleague had received one warning letter or so, but still.</p><p> </p><p>Since when did wearing a mask to protect herself against a contagious virus become a crime? Since when did human lives, <em>their</em> lives, become less valuable than the fucking image or reputation of a business?</p><p> </p><p>Why couldn’t those shareholders understand that ignoring the fact of having a virus wouldn’t help erasing its existence? Why would they have to be so extreme in denying reality to avoid the unavoidable, and eventually, worsened the situation even more?</p><p> </p><p>SiYeon looked around, couldn’t help but noticing that there were a few missing faces. Some was because of having the virus during working time. Some was because they had sent in their resignation letters. And yet, she couldn’t blame them for being selfish. Everyone was doing everything possible to protect whoever they could, and protecting themselves suddenly jumped to the top place of things-need-to-be-prioritised list. Everyone understood that one medical staff being infected didn’t just mean losing one fighter, but a whole team of fighters in this endless battle, due to self-quarantine and isolation protocol.</p><p> </p><p>Besides… Unlike SiYeon, her colleagues weren’t alone.</p><p> </p><p>They had families. They had someone waiting for them after each and every battle against this invisible enemies. No one wanted to bring back home that potentially fatal virus. No one wanted to meet their loved ones here. No one wanted to see them struggling; lives depending on a soulless machine just to breathe. <em>If </em>they were lucky enough to have one.</p><p> </p><p>So one day, when her team leader told her to make a will, she wasn’t even surprised.</p><p> </p><p>Until she met Bora’s eyes above that familiar white mask.</p><p> </p><p>They were in a curve shape. They were <em>smiling. </em>They were eye-blindingly bright. So bright, so carefree, that SiYeon couldn’t understand it, no matter how hard she tried to.</p><p> </p><p>How could Bora keep that fighting spirit? How could she still keep up, and offer her help to as many people as possible without showing any signs of exhaustion? How could she even <em>smile</em> while listening to someone telling her to make a will, to prepare for her own death?</p><p> </p><p>How could she be so <em>happy </em>when someone telling her that she might be dead someday?</p><p> </p><p>Confusion, and a vague fear started to burn in SiYeon's chest, then yet, just like curing the endless queue of patients, she couldn’t do anything about it. She couldn’t open her mouth to ask when being alone with Bora. She couldn’t understand why she was afraid, or what she was afraid of. She wasn’t even sure if it really was fear or not. But her increasing workload didn’t really give her neither time nor strength to think about it more thoroughly, and despite her anxiety and confusion, she could still sleep, so she didn’t feel the need to do anything else.</p><p> </p><p>Not for long, unfortunately.</p><p> </p><p>On that day, SiYeon knew that she was truly afraid. Terrified, even.</p><p> </p><p>Witnessing Bora, wearing no mask, no PPE, rushing in the middle of a hallway, attempting to do a chest compress to an unknown-status patient had crossed her line of tolerance. Frighteningly pushing that little woman aside, she and two other colleagues immediately took the patient to an emergency room. It took all of her efforts to suppress the nauseant frantic swirling inside her stomach as well as the shakiness trying to affect her hands, so she could focus on saving the patient lying in this fucking emergency bed.</p><p> </p><p>So when receiving his COVID test result, which luckily turned out to be negative, when her fear was temporarily pushed to the back of her head by pure relief, she couldn’t take it anymore.</p><p> </p><p>She snapped.</p><p> </p><p>Her anger was uncontrollable, no matter how hard she tried to suppress. A small spark of annoyance at first, gradually set her fear on fire, then mercilessly burnt her chest and thoughts into nothing but white ash, so fierce that she couldn’t realise how much strength she had used when grabbing Bora’s small wrist and pulling her to the hospital rooftop.</p><p> </p><p>She couldn’t realise that Bora’s didn’t even wince against that brutal pain.</p><p> </p><p>She couldn’t realise that Bora didn’t either protest or complain.</p><p> </p><p>And she couldn’t realise the obvious mixture of despair and decisiveness was now invading Bora’s beautiful brown eyes.</p><p> </p><p>But maybe... Even if she could realise all those things, she'd doubted if there would be any differences. </p><p> </p><p>There were things must be released. Like her anger.</p><p> </p><p>And there were things must be faced. Even though she might not want to.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Oh~ Here comes my favourite part~</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Are you crazy? Have you gone out of your mind? What’s wrong with you? Getting close to someone without your protecting equipment, what the fuck was in your mind when you recklessly rushed over like that?”</p><p> </p><p>SiYeon shouted, even her throat felt parched. She knew she shouldn’t be that loud and rude; there were countless reasons for her to not to. But she couldn’t hold it in any longer. Fuck morals. Fuck formality. Fuck manners as well.</p><p> </p><p>And Bora’s calmness just stirred her anger up even more than she could ever expect.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve just finished my break. Besides, didn’t the higher-ups just say…?”</p><p> </p><p>SiYeon’s eyes narrowed, and if gazes could kill, the small woman must have been dead more than a thousand times. Damn it, Kim Bora. Mustering out another unacceptably stupid reason of hers. Couldn’t she just cut it out already? Wasn’t this shitty enough?</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t you dare spouting those stupid excuses into my face, Kim Bora.” She lowered her voice, but the threatening trace in it was too audible. “Isn’t your craziness excessive enough? How many times have you been recklessly putting your life in danger? Can’t you just quit it already? If you don’t care about yourself, could you please, at least consider your family’s feelings before risking your life like that?”</p><p> </p><p>The final word ended with a throaty yell.</p><p> </p><p>SiYeon got carried away without knowing anything about it. And she couldn’t notice Bora’s shoulders had stiffened when hearing those harsh word of hers either. So she didn’t stop. She couldn’t. She just had to let it out.</p><p> </p><p>“Grow up and stop hurting them by those fucking reckless actions, will you? Do you really wanna die that much?”</p><p> </p><p>Actually, she hadn’t finished. There were so many things left she still wanted to say, but…</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p> </p><p>Bora’s calm answer stopped them all. They couldn’t come out of her lips. They just stuck right on the verge of her throat, creating a fucking big lump that SiYeon had no idea how to swallow down to normally breathe. The fire in her chest was extinguished in a heartbeat, left nothing behind but a trembling emptiness. Her brain was a complete blank, or was that one fucking syllable answer too much for her to take in?</p><p> </p><p>She didn’t know. She didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know what to do. All she could do was staring at Bora in disbelief, mustering all the efforts she had to look for a hint of lies or jokes in those familiar yet distant brown eyes. She was looking for something, just to confirm that Bora wasn’t telling the truth. An eye averting, a flickering gaze, pressed pair of lips, anything.</p><p> </p><p>Yet, she failed.</p><p> </p><p>Bora was looking at her straight in the eyes. Firmly, calmly, and full of honesty.</p><p> </p><p>That marked SiYeon’s pathetical and utter defeat.</p><p> </p><p>Then, Bora gave out a heavy sigh. As if she, too, had also lost in the battle between them two.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re angry, because you’re hurt.” Her voice was sweet and comforting just like what SiYeon remembered. “You’re hurt, because you’re scared.”</p><p> </p><p>But the distance and ignorance in it was like a knife. Brutally, and mercilessly stabbed right through her heart.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re afraid of losing me. But I’ve never been afraid of leaving everything behind, SiYeon-ah.”</p><p> </p><p>She looked at Bora’s relaxed smile; eyes reddened, stingingly hot.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve always been a useless outcast since the day I was born. No one cares, no one needs. There’re no strings attached between my life and me, and I won’t be regretful for anything, even if I have to die now. Or tomorrow. Or some other day. It doesn’t make a lot of a difference.”</p><p> </p><p>So… That was it. SiYeon could finally understand.</p><p> </p><p>“Now I just want to do something… anything… that could make this useless outcast feel a little bit more helpful.” Raising her hands, Bora stared at them with the disgusted look SiYeon’d never seen before. “… And you know, at least, I can feel like, maybe, I was born to be something. That I could belong to somewhere. That I’m not totally useless. At all.”</p><p> </p><p>All of her efforts… All of her enthusiasm… All of her recklessness… Were the way she chose to… di…</p><p> </p><p>Her chest had just painfully wrenched.</p><p> </p><p>SiYeon couldn’t even think of that word. Not even in her mind. She wanted to say a lot. She had a thousand things wildly running through her overloaded mind, but nothing could actually escape from her parted lips. Because…</p><p> </p><p>Of all the people who didn’t have any connections with this world… Of all the people who wasn’t afraid of being separated from their loved ones by death… Of all the people who was only surviving without truly living… Of all the people who had been suffering from and lost against loneliness…</p><p> </p><p>Why did it had to be her?</p><p> </p><p>Bora slightly shook her head, while giving out another heavy sigh.</p><p> </p><p>“You know what?” She mockingly chuckled in disbelief. “There are so many people passing by my life. Most of them never actually stopped for once, and truly care about me. To be honest, I don’t mind that much, but…”</p><p> </p><p>Stepping forward, she gently muttered, her soft voice soaked in guilt and regret.</p><p> </p><p>“But why… Why aren’t you one of them, kiddo?”</p><p> </p><p>SiYeon didn’t say anything in return.</p><p> </p><p>"Why did you stop? Why couldn't you just walk away like everybody else?"</p><p> </p><p>She didn’t really know the answer to actually say it out loud. How could caring for someone be questionable? Why should caring be questioned, or reasoned? Did she really need a proper reason to care for the one she loved?</p><p> </p><p>She never needed one. She never thought she would ever need one.</p><p> </p><p>Another sigh reached her eardrums. Then Bora’s hands suddenly rose up to cup her cheeks, fingertips caught all the bitter tears burning her cold skin, before holding the raven-haired’s head firmly, so she couldn’t look at anywhere else but her own messy reflection in those familiar shattered brown eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t hurt them, because they never care enough to be hurt. But you?”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Stop…</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>“You… Of all people?”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Stop it.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>“Kiddo… I’m gonna hurt you. Badly, in fact. Just like I’ve been hurting anyone daring to care for me in my whole living life. And I really, <em>really</em> don’t wanna do that. Not again. Not to you, no…”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Please, stop.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>“SiYeon, you’re a pure kid. You might act strong all the time. You might act tough and cold, and even rude as much as you want. But you always know the right place to put your heart at. So, please…”</p><p> </p><p>Wiping all the tears rolling on her cheek, Bora rested her forehead on SiYeon’s, soft voice desperately pleaded.</p><p> </p><p>“Please… Don’t waste your precious love and tears on some terrible one like me.”</p><p> </p><p>With that, Bora, having neither hesitation nor maybe, regret, just… walked away.</p><p> </p><p>Taking with her the fragile warmth on SiYeon’s cheek, and a vague string of softness on her skin. Left her behind with a cold back, the exact same back SiYeon was so used to look at every night, the back used to ease her wounded heart, now didn’t give her anything but a nauseant emptiness.</p><p> </p><p>SiYeon’s vision was covered by mist in just a single heartbeat.</p><p> </p><p>She didn’t want to hurt her? She didn’t want her to hold on to this love?</p><p> </p><p>But wasn’t it already too late?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I guess the angst in the previous part was a little bit too much... And the wait must be pretty long, but... It does sound like an excuse, but translating from Vietnamese to English is way trickier than just writing in English right in the beginning T.T</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>SiYeon must have gone crazy, that was the only thing she could be sure of. Or else, how could she explain why her stubborn foot kept on hesitating to hit the stupid accelerator, and drove away? Who in a sane mind would wait for the person’d just rejected her not-so-called confession for not so long ago, only to give her another drive back home?</p><p> </p><p>No one. Not that she knew of.</p><p> </p><p>She couldn’t get it. What was wrong with her by the way? The two of them had talked, clearly, straightforwardly, genuinely, and honestly. There was nothing else for her to do, not that she could think of, to change any of… this.</p><p> </p><p>So, there was no reason for her to be here.</p><p> </p><p>Her foot slightly touched the accelerator. For the twelfth time.</p><p> </p><p>And for the thirteenth time, it loosened up, and moved to the brake.</p><p> </p><p>The hesitate game only stopped until her eyes caught up with that familiar small form, which made her heart nervously jumped up a little.  Damn it. It was just a woman. A dangerous one, fine, but still. It was just a woman, for God’s sake.</p><p> </p><p>She couldn’t help but mocking herself a little.</p><p> </p><p>And she couldn’t help but driving toward Bora, either.</p><p> </p><p>“Get in.” Lower her window, she gently said. Such a familiar scene. “I’ll take you home.”</p><p> </p><p>It was the first time since the day they’d met, ‘confused’ was obviously written in Bora’s eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Can you please stop flattering yourself?” Rolling eyes in frustration, she let out a heavy sigh. “Look, I’m just taking a colleague home. I have no intention in flirting with you or trying to save you or whatsoever…”</p><p> </p><p>Bora didn’t move, nor even spoke.</p><p> </p><p>“Dying in the hospital with ventilator still better than stupidly dying on the street, isn’t it?”</p><p> </p><p>She tried to joke, but the lump in her throat just stubbornly stayed right there.</p><p> </p><p>“Or at least… Let me be with you until your last day?”</p><p> </p><p>The elder woman just looked at her, her eyes were full of complicated emotions she couldn’t fully interpret.</p><p> </p><p>And then…</p><p> </p><p>“You’ll be hurt.”</p><p> </p><p>SiYeon replied with a weak smile.</p><p> </p><p>“You won’t kill me for this cheap baby of mine, will you?” She slightly tapped on her car. “Then it wouldn’t hurt that much, would it?”</p><p> </p><p>“I won’t change for anybody.”</p><p> </p><p>“Can I be honest?”</p><p> </p><p>A moment of silence.</p><p> </p><p>“I actually don’t want you to.”</p><p> </p><p>“…”</p><p> </p><p>“…”</p><p> </p><p>Finally, the incredulous look in Bora’s eyes slowly vanished, when she couldn’t find a single hint of lies in neither SiYeon’s face nor gaze. Heavily sighing in defeated, she put the unlighted cigarette back to the back, and got into the passenger seat next to her.</p><p> </p><p>The grin on SiYeon’s lips broadened as she drove away.</p><p> </p><p>Just like the good old days, the comforting silence, despite the unwanted talk happened earlier, was still there. As if intentional or not, SiYeon and Bora just unconsciously used the warmth of the other to lift up their burdens, soothe their wounds, and encourage them to get back to the cruel, blurry world outside SiYeon’s car window.</p><p> </p><p>It was precious. Bora’s company made everything precious. Even the familiar city light. Even the silence lingering in between the two. Even the trivial sound of her SiYeon’s hand break.</p><p> </p><p>She truly wanted to cherish them. Forever.</p><p> </p><p>But forever was just a pipe dream. Everything had its limit. And she knew, her precious moment was coming toward an ending she never ever wanted.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, SiYeon…”</p><p> </p><p>She didn’t say anything, nor did anything. This was the first time Bora started a conversation. This was also the first time she didn’t leave after she stopped the car in front of her rental apartment. A part of her wished she could just run away from hearing the incoming words, but the other part…</p><p> </p><p>“The lockdown is coming, isn’t it?”</p><p> </p><p>She knew, Bora must have been waiting for this since the moment she decided to get on her car.</p><p> </p><p>“And your sedan… is not six-feet wide, is it?”</p><p> </p><p>She knew, Bora didn’t ask to have an answer.</p><p> </p><p>“So don’t take me home anymore, please.”</p><p> </p><p>She couldn’t say yes. She couldn’t say no. But she would blame this giant lump filling her throat at this exact moment. It wasn’t because she didn’t want to answer. But that didn’t matter. Bora didn’t want her answer, after all.</p><p> </p><p>She just wanted her to agree with all this nonsense, that was it.</p><p> </p><p>“Goodbye, SiYeon…”</p><p> </p><p>Leaving just that, a forced smile, and a giant hole in SiYeon’s soul behind, the elder woman quickly opened the door.</p><p> </p><p>The emptiness in her chest and the lost feeling in her mind shook her to the core. And suddenly, her brain, without her order, kept bringing back the last moment of the numerous patients she had failed. The terrifying separation. The unaccomplished wishes. The nervousness. The worries. The regrets.</p><p> </p><p>Everything was neatly packed in just one.single.word.</p><p> </p><p>If.</p><p> </p><p>If the other day, she hadn’t met her…</p><p> </p><p>If the other day, she hadn’t stopped…</p><p> </p><p>If today, she hadn’t been so rude…</p><p> </p><p>If today, she hadn’t heard Bora’s true intention…</p><p> </p><p>Those were the ‘ifs’ had happened. Those were the ‘ifs’ she couldn’t change.</p><p> </p><p>But right here, right now, if she let Bora leave…</p><p> </p><p>Would there be one day, she would think about this exact moment, think of this small back, cry her heart out like an idiot, and ask herself another stupid ‘what if’ question?</p><p> </p><p>That scenario scared her. Like she was about to fall into a bottomless abyss with no way of return.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey Bora…”</p><p> </p><p>The elder turned around, and SiYeon just… lost it all. Her thoughts. Her doubts. Her restraints. Against the string of misery that even Bora’s indifferent mask couldn’t cover, every logical bullshit was blown away in a single heartbeat. Instinct remained and courage intensified, she raised her hand to cupped Bora’s face, pulled her closer until their lips met up.</p><p> </p><p>The saltiness of her own tears. The bittersweet of strawberry and cigarette. SiYeon didn’t have to actually wait until now to know she would be addicted to this kiss. Or was Bora the one she was addicted to? She had no idea. And she couldn’t care less.</p><p> </p><p>No, especially when Bora had returned her kiss in a few seconds her rational part of the brain was toasted. Just a brief moment, but they were here. Her true emotions. Her inner desires. Enough for the elder to slightly part her lips, forgave and welcomed SiYeon’s impolite and unexpected ones, before her brain was able to float back to the rational surface.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t, SiYeon…” Her husky voice was drowned in unhidden sadness between brief partings. “You’ll be…”</p><p> </p><p>“If I’m hurt, I’ll cry it all out when I still can.”</p><p> </p><p>She calmly said. Fuck the hurts. She only needed her.</p><p> </p><p>“And while you’re still here with me.”</p><p> </p><p>Bora couldn’t say anything else. SiYeon had pulled her into another kiss. Harder. Deeper. Hungrier. Loving, yet tender, and also affectionate. Her stiffened body relaxed. Chains were broken. Neither of them could handle the waves of pure emotions after breaking free of restraints holding them back.</p><p> </p><p>And SiYeon didn’t mind that much.</p><p> </p><p>Bora’s quiet foxy moans were the best reward she could ever dream of getting after all.</p>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Cuddling, more cuddling, more and more cuddling before getting to work.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Wow, to be honest, I didn't expect that much hits from you guys just from 1 last part, you guys are really amazing! Thank you so so so so so much! I think I don't need to say anything more about Siyeon being a doctor... Purely coincident, but yeah, what a pleasant surprise, I must say :"&gt; Enjoy a little fluff, folks, and if I'm not too lazy, I might release another part or two today, too :"&gt;</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Siyeon squeezed her eyes shut, and grunted in annoyance when the abrupt sound of her alarm reached her defenseless eardrums. It was so disturbing, really, especially when she’d only been sleeping for an hour or two.</p><p> </p><p>Or so she felt.</p><p> </p><p>Or maybe she had slept for only an hour or two for real. Considering how wild last night’d been…</p><p> </p><p>Oh yes, the alarm. It was ringing, and the warmth next to her had been distracting her hazed mind already.</p><p> </p><p>Damn it.</p><p> </p><p>Sluggishly crawling out of the blanket, she patted her hand aimlessly, with the hope of catching the phone without having to spare another look, only to realise that the poor device had been kicked down to the ground among the stripping contest between she and Bora last night. Despondent and disappointed, she reluctantly got up, left her bed, found the phone, turned the alarm off, before crawling back to the bed, gently nudged her face into Bora’s bare chest, obviously prolonged her time to listen to Bora’s calm heartbeat for a few minutes more.</p><p> </p><p>Until she felt the vibration of the small girl’s giggle against the skin on her cheek.</p><p> </p><p>“You look more like a koala to me rather than a wolf, you know?”</p><p> </p><p>“And you look more like a gumiho to me rather than a crow tit, too.”</p><p> </p><p>SiYeon loudly yawned, didn’t exaggerate even just a bit. Kim Bora was indeed a hell of seductive gumiho. Her resilient body was aching for a reason, and yes, today was one of the days she wanted anything but getting up to go to work, or more precisely, parting away from this addictive warmth and scent lying next to her, right.now.</p><p> </p><p>“Speaking from a gumiho yourself.” Teasingly bickering back, the elder poked her index finger into her fluffy cheeks. “Get your pumping ass up, kiddo. I’m not sure if my house still has any eatable thing left or not…”</p><p> </p><p>The raven haired’s smile slowly faded. Say, if she wasn’t here today, then would Bora get up this early to buy herself a proper meal? Or would she just sleep until her shift started? And damn it. Yesterday, both of them hadn’t eaten anything else, either. Skipping meal time or eating in cursor were normal to her, but at least she made sure she had enough three meals per day, and yesterday was just an unexpected exception. But Bora…</p><p> </p><p>No wonder why she was so thin. How long had she been abandoning herself for?</p><p> </p><p>SiYeon didn’t notice the lament string lingering in her eyes, but the elder didn’t miss it. Then all of a sudden, she let out a heavy sigh, gave her a brief peck, then stood up, completely ignored the blanket covering her au naturel body had already fallen to the ground. She didn’t explain or apologise for it, but…</p><p> </p><p>Looking at her small bare back with some hickeys and scratches here and there, looking at the way she was sighing so heavily, looking at the way her eyes averting her gaze, the raven haired immediately knew what happened without asking out loud.</p><p> </p><p>Bora was feeling guilty. For making her worry, so to speak. And realising that helped her understand one more thing.</p><p> </p><p>Yeah… That must be it. Maybe, of all people in this world, Bora knew too well that her lifestyle <em>would </em>make anyone caring for her worry, no matter how much she didn’t want them to. She didn’t want to be someone’s burden, but she also didn’t want to change her own living style. She didn’t feel the need to change. SiYeon even doubted that she’d ever had a reason to change, either.</p><p> </p><p>So there she was. Living day by day, either pretending to be all strong and good, or baring that guiltiness on her small shoulders, as a punishment for hurting anyone daring to get close by, until the day they'd left her behind.</p><p> </p><p>Her lonely back created a small lump in SiYeon’s throat. How long had she been torturing herself with all those thoughts? How long had she been alone like this? How long hadn’t she had anyone besides, to pull her in their arms for a simple embrace when she needed it the most?</p><p> </p><p>She didn’t know. And she didn’t want to wait, either. Quickly swallowing the lump and her thoughts down, the raven haired stretched her arm out, grabbed Bora’s thin hips, then hauled. Bora’s slender body fell back into her arm, and she just calmly embraced both the elder and her own loneliness.</p><p> </p><p>She did struggle to get out of her grip, but she didn't let go.</p><p> </p><p>The thoughts did wrench her chest, but it was fine. She could handle it. It was better to actually have a chance to handle it, rather than just staying there, standing back, and do nothing.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s ok.” Whispering into her tiny ears, SiYeon gently suggested. “We can go to my house. It’s only two blocks away anyway. And I have a car, in case you forgot…”</p><p> </p><p>Bora’s ears were partly hidden by her incredibly smooth hair, but SiYeon still noticed they both were dyed with an appealing pink shade, when she couldn't help but brushing her own lips on them.</p><p> </p><p>Counted that as a good morning kiss, then.</p><p> </p><p>Oh God… If only she didn’t have to go to work today. But well, life was unfair, and unfortunately, she had neither authority nor irresponsibility to just ignore her colleagues, so…</p><p> </p><p>She let out a despondent sigh. And that had successfully stole from Bora a chain of chicken-like giggles.</p><p> </p><p>Ah~ She’d just heard that sound recently, but it’d been her new source of serotonin already.</p><p> </p><p>Magic. Bora was magic, indeed. And dangerous, too. Especially when her captivating lips was only a few millimetres away from hers, so close that she could feel the elder’s warm breath teasingly blew toward, which literally made her heart jump way up to her throat all of a sudden. Oh God. Did she mention that this woman was really a femme fatale?</p><p> </p><p>She would be the death of her, effortlessly, one day, for sure.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re cooking, then.”</p><p> </p><p>“Deal.” Stealing from her another peck, the raven haired generously agreed. “I don’t want to take some Berberine before work, so that’s fine by me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yah!”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sure it’s safer that way, too.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yah!”</p><p> </p><p>“Not to mention…”</p><p> </p><p>SiYeon’s teases were swallowed by Bora’s frustrated kiss. But it didn’t take the elder too long to turn the kiss into a first tenderer, then more demanding one. Was it the Bora’s special punishment for her teases and jokes? My… The way she occasionally bit on her lips… The way her nail slight scratched on her nape… The way she skilfully moved her tongue… And her scent. And her breath. Her everything.</p><p> </p><p>It was a miracle that SiYeon could separate herself from such a divine kiss. Or should she say that the elder was just showing some mercy on her by breaking out first? She didn’t really know. And how Bora could easily turn her into a hazed sucker was also a mystery, too.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re annoying…” The elder whispered on her lips.</p><p> </p><p>And SiYeon never thought she could be <em>that </em>lost into someone’s eyes, and still didn't want to be free from it. “I know.”</p><p> </p><p>“And I hate you.” Bora gave her another peck.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll take that as a compliment.”</p><p> </p><p>SiYeon couldn’t help but giggling. She couldn’t recall the last time she’d felt this… great, after an obvious lack of sleep night.</p><p> </p><p>“And as much as I’d love to stay at home and tease you more, I’m late, so… I hope you like sandwich? I think I still have the last can of tuna in my house, and hopefully, the bread hasn’t turned into a perfect culture for mould yet.”</p>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Well, to my personal taste: I love Siyeon being so tender here T.T</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The pandemic sucked, SiYeon wouldn’t deny. She was living in one of the darkest periods of her life, probably. She had never been so stressful over a thirty-roll pack of toilet paper, or a tray of eggs. She had never been so exhausted from working too much and seeing too many unwanted scenes. She had never thought there would be a day she didn’t even have time to spend all the money she’d earned until this point, and being rich all of a sudden wasn’t as fun as she’d thought, especially if those money only came with the possibility of dying any day, anytime, anywhere.</p><p> </p><p>Money, and life… Her younger version would go for money, but now…</p><p> </p><p>Anyway, that was only one side of the coin. And the other side…</p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t all bad, if she could be honest.</p><p> </p><p>She was shaken to her core, only by thinking about having to say goodbye over a stupid phone screen, and seeing how fragile human lives could be, how lacking of physical touches could separate people apart had made her think quite a lot.</p><p> </p><p>Of how precious a simple hug, or a reassuring hand holding was. Or how stupid it was to fight with her partner about some petty stuffs. Or how pointless it was to actually try changing a human’s personality, only to be annoyed afterward.</p><p> </p><p>Sure, conflicts were unavoidable, but for some reasons, it was easier for her to accept Bora’s not-so-healthy habits during these days. Maybe it was because she’d seen too many deaths. Or maybe it was because she loved Bora enough to accept every aspect of hers. Or no, the last one would be exaggerated, she was still pissed sometimes when seeing the elder drinking alcohol while hadn’t stuffed her stomach with any kind of food. Or her OCD was a little bit excessive to her taste. Or the elder hadn’t been able to stop smoking, but still…</p><p> </p><p>Conflicts and getting along, love and hate, they only meant something when there were two people interacting, weren’t it?</p><p> </p><p>So, eating together was good, too. Streaming services were booming, and the choice of variety shows did seem to be limitless. Having meals with a glass of wine, watching some comedies, with Bora, it was more than just good.</p><p> </p><p>And maybe, having someone going and cleaning after her mess wasn’t that bad. Being organised was definitely necessary for her career, too, so… Considering this as a way to form a good habit, and everybody was happy.</p><p> </p><p>And perhaps, she might not understand why, but if she tried it, for once…</p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t know you’re a smoker, too…”</p><p> </p><p>SiYeon was coughing non-stop. The bitter smoke had mercilessly invaded her nose and lungs, conveniently stopped her from answering Bora’s emotionless statement. Not that she wanted to, anyway.</p><p> </p><p>She didn’t like smoker. She didn’t like smoking herself. She didn’t like having anyone smoking in front of her, either. But Bora was, so she wanted to try. Just to put herself into the elder’s shoes, and felt what she might feel, that was it.</p><p> </p><p>And the result… Well, it was pretty embarrassing. Her lips were smiling, but her eyes teared up, and her chest tightened, as if she’d just been cruelly kicked by some stupid assholes. Couldn’t call it a pleasant experience to the least.</p><p> </p><p>Then it was gone. The bitterness slowly vanished, leaving a weird sweet sensation on the tip of her tongue. And her brain got a little lighter, too. As if it was fogged by this swirling puff of smoke. So that was it. No wonder why so many people got addicted to smoking, even though it was really far away from healthiness.</p><p> </p><p>Looking at her persistent smile, Bora just frowned, her finger twitched, as if she wanted to take that lighting cigarette from her lips, but decided not to eventually. For some reason, the elder didn’t stop her, but she quickly bend down and caressed her back, gently helped her get over with her first time choking on smoke.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re so stubborn, you know that?”</p><p> </p><p>Bora’s beautiful face was partly hidden by the smoke, but SiYeon could still see it. The way she looked at her. The way she bit her own lips. There were so many things swirling inside, and the raven haired could only distinguish a few of it. A hint of lament. A string of guilt. And an abyss of uncertainty.</p><p> </p><p>Hmph… Someone seemed to be misunderstanding something here…</p><p> </p><p>So carefully moved the cigarette so the elder wouldn’t have to inhale the smoke from it, the raven haired nudged her head into the elder’s chest, and greedily listened to the other’s calm heartbeat.</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t have to be guilty because of this, Bora…”</p><p> </p><p>Then she moved upward a little bit, to meet her partner’s captivating collarbone, before gently putting a kiss on the bare skin presenting in front of her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“This is my choice, and I won’t change my mind no matter what you said or did. I wanted it. Just remember that everything I do, I do it for me.”</p><p> </p><p>SiYeon could feel the elder’s loose grip around her waist was getting tighter.</p><p> </p><p>“If it’s anything, then I just don’t wanna whine and regret for <em>not </em>doing something, that’s all.”</p><p> </p><p>As usual, Bora didn’t say anything. But that was enough. Her tightening hug, and her gentle kiss on SiYeon’s hair, those were more than just enough.</p><p> </p><p>There might be a storm raging outside. The whole world might have gone crazy and stuff. But SiYeon didn’t really mind.</p><p> </p><p>In Bora’s arms, she felt safe.</p><p> </p><p>And that was the only thing mattered.</p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Oh, this one is also my favourite part~ I know it's been a long time since the last part, and I wasn't able to make it yesterday, so how about 2 parts today? Short ones, yeah, but well... I think they're worth the wait :"&gt;</p><p>Oh, I had to edit this part, just a little, to make it clearer for everyone. Thank you, xBeKind91 for asking, now my part is complete :D</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You’re so weird.”</p><p> </p><p>SiYeon drowsily blinked. Her incredulous gaze followed Bora’s aimlessly painting on her bare chest hands, then stopped at her bottomless brown eyes, before getting lost into it. Again.</p><p> </p><p>“You’ve never asked.”</p><p> </p><p>Smiling, she explained why.</p><p> </p><p>“Aren’t you curious? If I were someone else, or if I didn't know you, I might assume you’re just naturally ignorant, or worse, you’re not serious in this relationship, you know?”</p><p> </p><p>SiYeon had to suppress a tremor. The elder’s naughty hand had just unintentionally caressed one of her sensitive spots. Or no. Maybe it was intentional. If there was anything she could be sure of, then that would be Bora <em>loved </em>teasing her when her mind should be clear to answer questions like this.</p><p> </p><p>But yeah… She did have a point. Knowing her intention did trigger a lot of questions, and actually, SiYeon was no exception. She was asking herself the same things, over and over and over again since the day she entered this relationship. What had happened? What'd made she think of herself as an outcast? Why was there no one else? Why had everyone left?</p><p> </p><p>But…</p><p> </p><p>“Then do you want me to?”</p><p> </p><p>Her confident smile turned into a confusing one, as if Bora herself couldn’t be so sure if she would want to hear them, or answer them, or not. </p><p> </p><p>And even if the raven haired was right, she wasn’t very happy with her being right.</p><p> </p><p>Swallowing down her small lump of disappointment, she cupped Bora’s cheek, pulled her down, skilfully captured her seductive lips before letting the elder move hers anywhere she wanted.</p><p> </p><p>“But you know what, I do wanna know…”</p><p> </p><p>Allowing another satisfied moan escape her lips, she didn’t hold back the shiver when Bora was playing with another sensitive spot behind her ears. Jesus. This woman was so good at finding all the place could turn her into a jelly mess.</p><p> </p><p>“So just tell me whenever you’re ready.”</p><p> </p><p>Catching the beautiful face hiding in her crook, SiYeon obliged the elder to look at her, reminded her once again with her distinctive husky voice.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m here.”</p><p> </p><p>For the first time since the day they met, the raven haired couldn’t classify what kind of emotion stored inside Bora’s complicated look. But it was fine, she pulled her in another gentle kiss.</p><p> </p><p>Smiling was fine. Crying was good.</p><p> </p><p>Didn’t matter if it was her moans, or it was just the sound of her empty heart.</p><p> </p><p>As long as it was Bora’s.</p><p> </p><p>Then SiYeon would happily embrace them all.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I’m here…</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Originally, when I was writing it in Vietnamese, the first phrase came to me was "Here I Am". But well, when actually translating it into English, the phrase somehow seemed... off. So yeah, here we go. And if you wondered, then yes. The phrase was from TAEYEON - Here I am (I'm just that sucker for beautiful girl and songs, sorry LOL)</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Oh yeah, so here is my Twitter https://twitter.com/dzung_10892</p><p>And cc https://curiouscat.qa/Deukaenology </p><p>So long~</p></blockquote></div></div>
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